Straight Men: You Need to Think Again, Bros
Some of you straight men have a serious problem. As a gay man in the room, I’ve watched you all my life.
I can see and smell your schemes from miles away. I know your game at every level.
I saw you in junior high. I saw you in high school and college. I see you in the workplace too.
I’ve heard your jokes. I’ve rolled my eyes when you elbow me to talk about women.
Behind your back, I’ve been telling my friends who date you about your shenanigans for years.
And now, I must tell you about yourself. Buddy, you got it all wrong.
You think you have the prerogative to speak to any woman in the world.
You think the only barrier between you and your next conquest is you.
You think your eyes can go wherever they want.
You think if you only say the right words a woman will be interested in you.
You think every woman you like is a possibility.
If we are being honest, in your head, you think you’re entitled to vaginas and they are your birthright.
And I am here to tell you, no!
No way. I’m not having it anymore.
This isn’t about cockblocking. This is about gut checking and reality checking.
In your mind, you think if you play the odds, eventually you’ll score. But your whole game is annoying and frustrating. And since you do it repeatedly, we can even call it insane.
You think you just need to “make a move.” But you’re intoxicated with ego. You’re not in your right mind to go anywhere. And your moves are making everyone nauseous.
I just don’t understand why you don’t assume some women aren’t waiting for you?
I don’t understand why you assume every woman is single and heterosexual?
And, I don’t want to make this personal to me, but it really bothers me when you do these things to women in my presence, as if I’m not there! From now on, I will call you out.
It’s just mind-boggling and insulting.
You need to take the phrase, “you never know unless you try,” out of your life.
I wish you’d think twice.
I wish you’d slow down. I wish you’d second-guess your assumptions and behaviors.
Think for a minute if I catcalled you.
Think for a minute if I just walked up to you and gave you my number.
Think for a minute if I stared you down.
Think for a minute if I contorted my whole body to get a look at you.
Think for a minute if I asked to buy you a drink.
Or, how about if I just make a few honest mistakes with you?
How about I come up out of nowhere and start dancing with you from behind?
Oh, excuse me, you don’t like that do you? That’s vile you say? Does that anger you? Did you know women say unwanted sexual advances anger them too?
And I already know what you want to say. I know you want to tell me how some gay men have done those things to you too. Okay, that’s a problem too.
But the thing is, people want to talk about the exceptions, rather than being exceptional.
Here’s a stat for you — did you know more than half the women in the United States say they’ve received unwanted sexual advances?
Think about that for a minute. Are you a part of that problem?
Wait. Please tell me you aren’t thinking what I think you’re thinking? Please tell me when you hear a statistic like that you aren’t thinking the odds are in your favor? Are you still trying to get lucky?
To me, that statistic means most of the time you’re wrong about your advances. It says to me your signals are usually crossed and you should think twice.
You don’t see it that way? Really?
You know, it’s that “glass-is-half-full” thinking that’s the problem here. Your mentality that luck is always on your side is an issue.
But please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t hate your confidence or your “freedoms.”
I just see the harm you’re doing.
Society has taught me not to do those things as a decent human being.
Society has taught me as a sexual minority not to go there.
But you, my friends, society has taught the wrong lessons. And some of you, I’m afraid will take these behaviors to a criminal level.
I’m afraid of how this — unchecked straight male behavior — grows up.
What happens in your mind when you get a little power in the business world? What happens when you fail at everything else in life?
And I know your behaviors have been reinforced by getting what you want.
But the times are changing. People are changing. What you’ve been doing isn’t going to cut it anymore.
Yeah, we can blame your porn. Yeah, we can blame the media.
But it really comes down to the head on your shoulders and what’s in between your ears.
So, do everyone a favor and think about you. Think about your unwanted advances. If you want to advance in life, you must stop that behavior.
In this case — doing to others what you want to be done to you — does not apply.
OK, I’m done. Good talk. Are we good? Are you sure? Cool, thanks for listening.
Oh hey — maybe later we can chat about gun control?
Too much, I know.
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