There’s a conundrum faced by people of faith who are LGBT. Not every LGBT believer feels this conundrum, but some do.
Psychologists tell these believers their sexual orientation is fixed, and it cannot change. Not only that, but psychologists tell these believers it is harmful to even try to change their orientation. And even the most ardent ex-gay ministries have gone out of business.
Those are facts and science.
The conundrum comes for these believers because they believe God can do anything.
These believers know God has revised hopeless reports given by doctors.
They believe in miracles that suspend science. So, they wonder and wait for God to change them.
I was one of those believers. I grew up going to tent revivals with my grandma. You could say my baby oil was anointing oil. As a child, my playtime consisted of gathering up my stuffed animals for a sermon.
I have also witnessed inexplicable miracles and phenomenons.
During a mission trip to Mexico, I saw a deaf girl get healed. I heard demons speak through a person, and I witnessed an exorcism. I believe in, and have proven, prophetic utterances and speaking in tongues.
You may remember me from high school. I was the flagpole Christian with the W.W.J.D. bracelet and all. I attended Baylor University, where I went to a church nicknamed ‘high-hands.’ I believe people can be raised from the dead — right now, today.
Yeah, I know, my faith is out there, it’s extraordinary, and it’s eccentric.
But, I believe God can do anything, and nothing is impossible for the person who believes.
So, I faced a conundrum when my life and society say there’s something God can’t do.
How do I reconcile facts with faith? How do I accept that I’ve seen God do things, and it now appears the hands of God are tied in this case?
In my case, I arrived at the point where I was reading scripture differently, but I still wanted to err on the side of caution. I still wanted God to change my sexual orientation, even though I believed my holy scriptures had nothing direct to say on the subject.
But, one day, here’s what found me — it’s not that God can’t change us, God doesn’t have to change us.
I had been asking God to make me love right. When in fact, there was nothing wrong with the direction I love.
I had been asking God to help me see right and find a different gender attractive. When in fact, I was seeing perfectly fine for me.
My request to God was like asking God to open my ears to hear when I’m not deaf at all.
The problem wasn’t with God, but my request. I didn’t realize everything was working as it should.
Essentially, I arrived at the super spiritual idea that, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” It’s not so much that it can’t be done, but that it doesn’t have to be done.
The need to “fix” comes from the assumption that we are broken. And that heterosexuality is an improvement over LGBT sexual expression. It’s a misconception that straight love is better by default. And, therefore, change, for an LGBT person must be heterosexuality.
But many of the believers I mentioned insist they have no choice. They feel God “can and must” change their sexual orientation, and not that God “can but doesn’t have to” change them.
And so, they wait for a change that’s not needed. I’m more comfortable with the idea that God doesn’t have to change my orientation.
And I realize for some #faithfully LGBT folks the idea that “God can” is frightening.
That’s the part of that sentiment that makes us nervous. It almost signals a green light to keep trying, which for us is the definition of insanity. And we already know trying to change sexual orientation has been proven detrimental to all aspects of health.
It’s almost a dangerous thought to believe God can change our sexual orientation. Let’s be honest, in the dogma of LGBT life, to say, even in part, that God can change our orientation is blasphemy. That suggestion will make some people want to tear their garments and pick up rocks like in biblical times.
It’s far easier to believe God can’t change me. But, the idea that God can’t, or won’t, change me, is dangerous too. When we hold the belief that God can’t change us, but change is necessary, it’s a setup.
When we believe God can’t, or won’t, but should, we — as humans — try to help God do what needs to be done.
So, my way to fix what God can’t — or won’t do — could be celibacy. Or, my way could be therapy, substance abuse, suicide, or conforming to society.
We can see how “God can’t” complicates faith and life.
So, I’m not afraid of “God can” because it doesn’t diminish God or me. I no longer have to concede there’s something God can’t do. And, because God “doesn’t have to change me,” I know I am valued, fully affirmed, and acceptable to God.
I can say the same thing about asking God to give me the power to fly. And no, that’s not a ridiculous request. There are times when the power to fly would be advantageous and desirable. But the fact remains, my attempts to autopilot from the top of a building are indeed detrimental to my health.
Just because I believe God can do something doesn’t mean I must ask, test, or try.
And in the Christian tradition, that’s exactly what Satan tempted Jesus to do.
He said something like, God can do anything, so why don’t you jump from the highest point of the Temple and let’s see if God will catch you.
Satan even used scripture as back up.
And Jesus didn’t say, God can’t do that.
Jesus also didn’t say, look at me now, and try to prove something to Satan.
Instead, Jesus said, we aren’t to put God to the test.
Jesus kinda sorta says: God can do it, but God doesn’t have to do it. God can, but there’s no need to test God.
Sadly, many LGBT believers are testing God to change their sexuality. These God-tests are attempts to prove God is real. And maybe sadder than the God-tests are the other believers egging LGBT people on with scriptures like Satan.
They really want to see if we can fly. The shout to “jump” from other believers may sound like, “take a leap of faith and trust God to change your sexual orientation.”
Some faith traditions expect LGBT people to be superheroes, super-believers, and martyrs.
The good news is we have nothing to prove to anyone by trying and testing heterosexuality. In fact, many of us, have been there and done that.
The “test God” with my sexuality is like jumping off a high building. God can, but don’t test God. God doesn’t require that kind of change.
But does this mean the “God, change me” prayer is all wrong? Does God want to change anything about us? Traditionally, faith traditions not only insist our sexuality must change, but they will have us to believe it’s the only thing about us that needs to change.
And sometimes after we settle the question of faith and sexuality, we may forget about all the other virtues God wants to build in us. There may be a lot of things about us God wants to change.
I believe in the quote that says, “the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.”
So, my “change me” prayer is really an “improve me as I am” prayer. Like everyone else, LGBT people of faith still need to pray the “God, change me” prayer.
As a person of faith, I believe sexuality is also guided by an ethic of love. God wants our orientation and expression of love to fly and soar.
I need God to change me to be more loving. I’m no longer asking God to heal my perfectly fine hearing when I can already hear. Now, I acknowledge I can hear fine, but I want to hear in a supernatural way. I’m asking for an improvement.
An improvement is a form of change. I can improve the way I love. And, I want to love extraordinarily.
Extraordinary love may be different for various people and faith traditions. It could be a monogamous relationship or not.
But the request to love more is a request for change that God can and must do. Why? Because we all need it.
So, if you’re an LGBT person who believes God can change you, it’s true, God can. God’s change is love.
You can grow in love. Grow in love for yourself, including your sexuality. Grow in love for others. And grow in love for God. God wants to change all of us into the best loving version of ourselves.
I am a gay person who believes God can change me. And that change is love.
- In my faith tradition, I refer to my supreme being as God, singular with a capital G. However, I affirm and acknowledge all other ways to call the Divine.
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